I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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