you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
