3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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