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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
