I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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