so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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