I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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