i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's the barista slut.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
