If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis