I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.