Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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