I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
