I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
