Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think I won the penis lottery.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
