yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
