there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
