You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
