you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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