last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
