My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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