My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
