Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
