oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
