I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
