Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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