I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
