Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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