If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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