the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
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I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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