Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
