And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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