im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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