I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
