ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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