Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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