he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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