I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
