Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
