i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
