I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
