ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She announced her abortion via fbk
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
