it wasn't lemon gatorade
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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