there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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