she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
