her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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