Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
