You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
where are you?
Hypothermia
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
