He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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