K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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