The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Randomize
