a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
