and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did I show you my penis last night?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
whose ass print is on the piano?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
