i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
