I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
