I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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