I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
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How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
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I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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