Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
