She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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