You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
