i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
