I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
