a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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