totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
