I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
now i know why i became what i already was.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
