Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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