Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
