Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
God, I missed his penis.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
