Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
