you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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