she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
