just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
